Previously on Wynonna Earp: Tucker Gardner is a creep and wants Waverly in a disgusting sort of way, Nicole Haught is tired and wants Tucker in a murder sort of way, Xavier Dolls is back but Black Badge is gone, and Wynonna Earp is pregnant.
Remember how we already know that Black Badge has left town? Well, Black Badge’s President Art from Orphan Black has come back to town I guess just to tell Dolls to his face that they have left town. He sneaks up on Dolls in an alley where I guess he and Doc were having some sort of date because otherwise I don’t know why they were creeping around out there. Dolls tells Art that Jeremy already gave him the news, and Art is like “Smart kid.” Which, I mean, all he did was he go to the Black Badge building and it was empty. I don’t think that took a whole lot of advanced smartness, but okay. And then, Art is like “BY THE WAY, Doc Holliday let these awful Widow monsters out.” And again, that is just not true! Or, it’s kind of true, but why would you keep your most dangerous monsters in just a wooden box in the basement that they can reach their spangly hands out of whenever they want? And why did it take Black Badge weeks to notice they were gone or at least to tell anybody about it? Art says that Black Badge isn’t a government agency, and I’m just like, in that case, Art, what exactly is your excuse for being so inefficient and disorganized?
Wait, so you’re telling me, these clones, they’re all the same actress?
Elsewhere on this dark and spooky night, one of the Widows, which is what the Gardner sisters are called from now on at least when they are being all Widow-y, is scratching at the floor in a church basement like my cat does around her water bowl. She’s all “Who took my hairy toe!” or something like that, and a priest is like “Not me! Why would I want a toe?” but she kills him and then decides to eat him while she’s there because she is more efficient than Black Badge.
This is the midpoint of the season, and this episode is about reactions and relationships and figuring out where everybody stands going into the back half. There’s enough plot to remind us that there is always a plot, but this episode is about trying to figure out the shape of a family. So it makes sense that the important part of the episode opens on Waverly and Wynonna, the only constant. They are carting shiny stuff out of the barn, presumably having actually dismantled the lightning rod from last week in a nice bit of continuity. In a less welcome bit of continuity, to both myself and Wynonna, Wynonna is still pregnant. She doesn’t want to talk about it, and she says she has time, but unfortunately for her this is the episode about talking about it, and time is rarely cooperative even without supernatural interference. That’s pretty much what Waverly tells her, but gently and in as non-judgmental and low-pressure a way as she possibly can. Wynonna still doesn’t want to talk about it, but I think it’s a relief at least that Waverly just already knows? Anyway, Wynonna has to go to work, because demons don’t take time off. But first she has to pee.
Since there’s currently no Black Badge to give her assignments, Wynonna goes straight to Nicole to beg for anything she could possibly kill today. Nicole is mostly just used to Wynonna by now and brushes her off, and I think maybe she might be still a little wary after Possessed Wynonna being a dick last week and Regular Wynonna being a dick in the cheerleading episode? She’s like “Hey, you are being the charming version of yourself on this particular day, but just the same could you maybe leave me alone?” Waverly shows up to save Nicole by poisoning Wynonna with healthy tea, and they flirt, and Wynonna flirts about their flirting, and then a nun walks in with bloody hands and flirts about how somebody ate her boss. It’s all very romantic.
Hi, I’m here for the flirting?
Mercedes is all Widowed out and is rolling wedding rings on a map which I guess is how straight people play Dungeons and Dragons. She says something about how they’ve lost “our husband’s favor,” and that sounds gross and bad so I am not looking forward to meeting him even a little. So Widow Beth, when she was scratching around in the church and eating that priest, was looking for “the second seal”, but it wasn’t there and somehow they know that Bobo is the one that moved it and also they knew the Stone Witch from last season and Juan Carlo. So I guess it should have been obvious based on the fact that they are opening seals all over town but I am just now realizing that these things are Purgatory-specific, so, again, what the heck Black Badge? Why would you keep these monsters here instead of taking them someplace far away from the things they need for their evil schemes? So bad at your jobs, you guys.
Anyway Mercedes figures the seal must be in a place called The Clockmaker’s Mansion, because she threw a bunch of wedding rings directly at it on a map. Somebody named Hypnos lives there. Sounds like a Pokemon to me.
You can’t just eat all of my NPCs, Beth, the Dungeon Master’s word is law. I worked hard on those backstories.
Ugh. Hypnos is not a Pokemon, he is a sleepy old man. And The Clockmaker’s Mansion is not even half as cool as a The Clockwork Mansion from Dishonored 2, it’s just an old person’s house with clocks hanging from the ceiling. Tucker shows up dressed like an absolute rapist and threatens Hypnos and his young lady attendant named Poppy, and the thing he is there to to get is “time,” because of course it is; this dude lives in The Clockmaker’s Mansion.
Back at Black Badge–which I guess isn’t technically Black Badge anymore–a whole bunch of things happen, but basically they are all unemployed now but still taking up room in the sheriff’s office, and they are looking for consecrated ground now, and Doc and Dolls are suddenly back in that dick-swinging romantic rivalry mode kind of out of nowhere and it feels a little forced right now, especially considering how much natural opportunity they’ll have for that going forward? Dolls asks Wynonna out for coffee, and Doc takes that as his cue to leave.
Good news, guys. It says right here I can have as many boyfriends as I want.
Waverly grabs Wynonna before she heads out to meet Dolls and confirms for us that Doc is apparently indeed the father, and tells Wynonna that she has to talk to Doc before she does anything with Dolls, and this scene made me feel a little better about the whole pregnancy thing because Wynonna responds with “I don’t have to do ANYTHING” and “Tough shit” when Waverly tells her it’s not fair to the boys to not talk to them about it. And I agree on both counts.
Waverly has not taken her own advice re:talking before doing, as she is right now trying to do Nicole while Nicole is trying to talk to her. Nicole is worried about the potential mutual consent issues involved in banging when one person is possessed, but Waverly assures her she was very much present and herself for any and all sex-type moments, which I wonder if that includes the aggressive kiss at Homecoming because that seemed VERY Gooverly, but I think for the sake of moving this plot along we can believe her. Nicole is happy and they have some very good kissing that sadly pans away before things can get too steamy. But the kissing is very good and I’m beginning to think Nicole only wears belts so Waverly will help her unbuckle them.
These two might do the best romantic hand acting since Paily.
At the diner, Dolls is doing that thing where on TV you keep trying to confess your love but you get interrupted a lot. First he is interrupted by Wynonna’s own awkwardness, and then he is interrupted by Mercedes, who I don’t think he’s ever met and who The Real Mercedes would probably be all over, but this is Widow Mercedes so she is literally too busy checking her butt for spoons to flirt with him. She also misses the fact that Wynonna offers her friendship in a really open and vulnerable way and I know I say this every week but I really really hope we can put Mercedes face back on her own body and keep her around as a character? I love her and Wynonna needs a friend who neither she nor her sister will ever bang, but also what if Wynonna and Mercedes bang, is another thing I am thinking about. But she leaves to go deal with Tucker, which is a fate I wouldn’t even wish on a demon. And finally, Dolls is interrupted by Wynonna’s bladder, and by everybody in the diner including themselves falling asleep.
Wynonna is woken up by Peacemaker, zip-zapping in her hands like a worried pet, and I guess they have been sleeping for kind of a while because Wynonna is now very visibly pregnant. And I’m just now noticing that she’s wearing a shirt that says “Drinks Well With Others” which for some reason is just perfect, and the first thing she does is to steal a park ranger’s coat to hide her belly, and I love this character so much. There are no wasted frames when Melanie Scrofano is in a scene, everything she says and does, every movement she makes just feels so lived in.
She wakes up Dolls, and they go outside to find that the whole town is asleep.
Naturally, Wynonna’s first concern is Waverly, who she finds in bed and wakes up with a pillow to the face. She’s still in bed but fully clothed, whereas Nicole passed out somewhere other than bed and is not at all clothed when Dolls finds her. Awkward, but also she kind of deserves that for walking around naked in somebody else’s house though usually I would have expected Wynonna to walk in on it because that is her second job after killing demons. Everybody is chugging coffee and energy drinks to try to stay awake, and Dolls is still making eyes at Wynonna. When everybody heads out, Wynonna finally gets a second to herself and looks at her belly, and of course at that moment somebody comes back in because they forgot something, and they see her and they know. The somebody is Nicole, the person who probably needs to know the least, and therefore reacts the best. She’s surprised, because obviously, but once she hears that Waverly already knows about it, there’s no question of her telling anybody. It’s girl code. Nicole is family.
Yes, I stole a Christmas Ham, but no, you should not arrest me.
Clockmaker’s Mansion. Hypnos is keeping everybody asleep as commanded by the Widows so they can use that time to search for the seal. Hypnos tells them they’re running out of time, which, there’s a lot of that going around these days, it’s almost as if somebody wrote this episode with that in mind! Tucker is being gross about Poppy and just in general. He mentions he found “something” on the Salt Flats, which we know means The Stone Witch, but the Widows aren’t interested in hearing about anything other than seals right now, and besides, The Heir is awake.
Wynonna and Waverly and Dolls are at the sheriff’s office grabbing whatever stimulants are in the evidence locker so they can stay awake. The plan is to just keep looking around until they see somebody awake, and then kill that somebody because probably they are evil. Dolls gives them walkie talkies, Waverly gives Wynonna the call sign “Bacon Donut” but the first time I watched it a really thought she said “Big Unit” and I didn’t really understand the Randy Johnson reference, which makes sense now that I know there was no Randy Johnson reference. Waverly is going to go wake up Doc so Wynonna doesn’t have to. Dolls gives her her trusty shotgun and she looks so happy. I love that she has a signature weapon, it feels so videogame-y in a good way. Like, Waverly with her crazy clothes and her sunny disposition and her giant gun would not be out of place in a Borderlands game. After Waverly is gone, Dolls tells Wynonna that by the way if they don’t stop this sleeping spell soon, everybody will stuck asleep forever. But he can’t help but smile and make heart eyes at her the whole time, and he’s not even looking at me but I am having a hard time worrying about it because of his face.
Wynonna goes to check on Jeremy but finds only his research, because he figured out where the seal is and went there. Spoiler alert: it’s at Shorty’s. But before we can really make sense of that info, Wynonna smells her sister’s (or their mother’s) perfume and feels a dead people kind of breeze, and then the Widows are there to violently cuddle her and steal the research stuff. Dolls finds her, and after making sure she’s okay he notices her pregnant belly, and Wynonna’s “I’m okay. I’m okay.” is a little heartbreaking. He’s completely thrown, and he’s worried about her, and then he says “Everything’s changed” in some kind of way that I can’t really interpret? I can’t tell if this is just him feeling complicated friendship/workplace/romantic conflicted feelings, or if he knows something that we don’t know on top of all of that. She says she has a job to do, and he switched into Agent Xavier Dolls, Black Badge Division mode. Nicole, on stakeout in a cute baseball cap, saw a Widow going into the Clockmaker’s Mansion, and somebody’s got to go shoot it.
Okay there Dolls, pregnancy isn’t contagious. Unless it is??
At Shorty’s Upstairs, Waverly finds Doc asleep in Rosita’s crotch, and that is all we see of Rosita this week and I don’t think she was in last week’s episode at all, which doesn’t bode well for her as a good guy because she’s the only one who doesn’t get to react to Wynonna’s pregnancy this week so it feels like the show isn’t considering her part of the team? Doc presumably banged her because he was jealous of Wynonna and Dolls, and I’m feeling a little used right now on Rosita’s behalf. He and Waverly go to the basement to find energy drinks and instead find a sleeping Jeremy, who had gone there looking for the seal. They find it in some kind of tank or something, and I guess maybe this is why Bobo bought Shorty’s, besides just to mess with the Earps?
Wynonna and Dolls and Nicole storm the Clockmaker’s Mansion and find Hypnos doing his thing. I guess the spell is stronger in his presence, because Nicole falls back asleep, improbably managing to take off her hat and land comfortably in an arm chair on the way down. Hypnos is like “Don’t shoot me bro, everyone will die.” He says he can’t lift the spell but also that he will lift the spell if they rescue Poppy from Tucker, who has “plans” because of fucking course he does. Hypnos is like “BTW there are three seals in total, and Poppy is not my girlfriend she is my daughter” and Dolls makes a very good face about how of course she’s his daughter in this episode about pregnancy. Dolls finds Jeremy’s research and figures out they need to get to Shorty’s.
First, they wake up Nicole. Wynonna promises to save Waverly but asks Nicole to go after Tucker, and it turns out she’s been tracking his phone for “weeks”, whatever that means, given the uncertain timeline of the sleeping spell. Also, it’s illegal. She says “In my defense, he’s the worst” and I completely agree with her but all this police officer abuse of power stuff makes me really uncomfortable? Anyway, Wynonna and Nicole have a good teamwork moment and then Nicole runs off to the homestead to follow Tucker’s GPS signal. Wynonna asks Dolls to go with Nicole for backup, because Waverly would kill her if Nicole got hurt, and also because once she gets to Shorty’s she’s gonna have to talk to Doc, and she needs space to do that. Dolls agrees. He also kisses her, in a significant goodbye kind of way maybe but definitely in an “I am so in love with you” kind of way that made me cry a little bit? And I don’t usually react to straight people kissing in this way? But the acting is so good and the writing is so unforced. I am just rooting for everybody.
The Widows storm Shorty’s basement somehow without using the stairs, and they bust out some Supergirl-style frost breath to put Waverly and Doc down, Jeremy just passes back out the old-fashioned Hypnos kind of way. He wakes up and sees Doc struggling to gesture at his gun, but Jeremy is a clumsy boy and kicks over a soda can and the Widows freeze-breath him back to the floor before he can be a hero.
Nicole and Dolls get to the homestead just in time to hear Tucker saying rapist things to Poppy, but Dolls gets too sleepy to keep going so Nicole takes the stairs alone, saying “He’s not in her room” in a possessive way that creeped me out a bit. And then when she finds him she straight up shoots him, right in the shoulder, an injury normally fatal to fictional queer women but for Tucker he’s still healthy enough to jump out the window. And I think that yes he was a threat so maybe shooting him wasn’t totally uncalled for but also I’m pretty sure he was unarmed? I like Nicole, but so much of this stuff that I take for granted as being totally cool for an obviously fictional vigilante kind of character is a lot harder to cheer when it’s a police officer doing it? I keep harping on this and I’m a little sorry for that, but I feel alarm bells in my brain whenever Nicole does some of this stuff and I’m worried they might be writing her towards some kind of Riley Finn good guy/bad behavior kind of thing and she deserves better than that.
Anyway. Wynonna gets to Shorty’s in time to fire one shot at the departing Widows, but not before they break the seal, which at least didn’t require a sacrifice this time. The spell also breaks right then, but I don’t know why, and everybody wakes up, including Doc, who is just about at eye level with Wynonna’s stomach. They have a conversation that is mostly neither speaking nor looking at each other’s faces, and Doc begs off with tears in his eyes to go serve customers upstairs, and it’s another very affecting scene of straight people with very talented faces. That’s twice in this episode I cried, and it’s been over boys both times. Unprecedented!
Nope, still weeping.
It seems Wynonna’s one shot did connect with Mercedes, but it only left kind of a burn mark. I’m not sure if that’s because it was just a graze or if the Widows are somehow too powerful for Peacemaker to put them down, but it’s a little worrying regardless. Also worrying, and probably pretty stupid: Tucker has declared war on the Widows because I guess they didn’t steal him a girlfriend fast enough. He announces this by ding-dong-ditching and leaving the Stone Witch’s head on their doorstep. They call her “Sister Clootie,” so that probably means something.
Wynonna goes back to Hypnos, who explains that no time passed at all for anybody except Wynonna’s fetus because this plot was really only written to accommodate Melanie Scrofano’s growing baby belly. Wynonna is like “Who is Melanie Scrofano?” but before Hypnos can tell her, Dolls shoots him, and Wynonna has no choice but to put him out of his misery with Peacemaker. Dolls is back to business, distancing himself from Wynonna the same way Doc was earlier in the season, but with less grace.
At Black Badge, Wynonna is tired of being pregnant and of all of the boys who love her in ways that are a little too much sometimes but a lot too much today, and both Dolls and Doc want to talk to her because of course they do, but now is not the time. Waverly tells them to back off until further notice, but Doc gives her a note to pass along to Wynonna that I guess he wrote just in case she didn’t want to talk to him, because he’s not a total dummy.
Wynonna and Waverly go home, and they talk. Wynonna says she’s been on two types of birth control since she was thirteen, and this feels to her like another curse, and this was a thing I was afraid of, but Melanie Scrofano is so good and this scene was so good and this episode was so fucking good? And she reads Doc’s note, and it says “I am all in”, and dang it, I am crying AGAIN. I don’t feel the things about this storyline that I think I normally would, because right now they are executing it very very well. I am still wary of it, and I absolutely reserve the right to change my mind at any moment because I’m a person and that’s allowed, but right now I am feeling more confident about this storyline than I was a week ago, and that’s a pretty good start.
Weeping just forever.