Previously on Wynonna Earp: Dolls was captured and then he wasn’t but now he is in the wind, Waverly feels strong but her smooches taste different, Jeremy exists and so does a monster with a bedazzled glove, and Wynonna is going to kill everything in the Ghost River Triangle that is not an Earp or at least Earp-adjacent.
We open on Wynonna and Doc in the shower together, but alas it isn’t a sexy shower, it is a decontamination shower, and apparently the Black Badge can’t afford to build more than one stall for whatever reason or else maybe this is a team building exercise. They’re showering because they ran into some kind of goo situation, and they are interrupted by Lucado because Wynonna’s paperwork is a little too colorful language-wise and a little too useless information-wise. Jeremy is also there. Lucado has been demoted to basically doing Dolls’ job, and Jeremy has been assigned as their science guy, and this is the team now.
Our new boss is kind of scary and hot, huh?
No longer on the team is Nicole, who is stuck taking a statement from a construction worker whose colleague disappeared into a port-o-potty and left nothing behind but spiderwebs. When Lucado took over the local Black Badge operation she revoked Nicole’s deputy status, which is enough of a bummer for her that she is not even interested in flirting with Waverly at work anymore, which previously had been her number one hobby. Like, give the girl her badge back, Lucado. She loves only law enforcement and kissing, and you’ve taken away her ability to enjoy either. And also if you’re gonna keep Doc around who hasn’t been police in a hundred years why wouldn’t you keep Officer Haught herself who actually wants to help? She might even follow orders, unlike the rest of these precious clown children. She’s committed enough to the cause that even though she’s jealous, she does pass on the spiderweb port-o-potty file to Waverly so Black Badge can investigate.
This face is good for office morale. Do not make it sad.
Wynonna heads over to the construction site, which is new condos being built into an old school building, which in my experience is probably a Hellmouth. She runs into an old high school acquaintance named Mercedes who was apparently almost as notorious as Wynonna was, and they bond over being pariahs. I guess Mercedes was Willa’s friend maybe? But she’s back in town to buy real estate, because who wouldn’t want to buy in a town that had a “mass poisoning incident” just last week. Wynonna is close enough to being a cop that Mercedes tells her to go ahead and snoop around if she wants, but that the missing people were probably just spooked by the old school and not by, for instance, some big awful spiders or anything crazy like that.
Inside the school Wynonna finds nothing but Stupid Earl at first and they do the usual song and dance about how Wynonna is going to shoot him right to hell, but then she gets a whiff of something and says a word that according to showrunner Emily Andras is “Shalidelle”, and it was Willa’s perfume. Wynonna is seeing and smelling ghosts, and Earl takes the opportunity to run off, leading Wynonna straight into some spiderwebs and a giant web sack that used to be port-o-potty boy.
This is a NOPE.
Back at the office, having somehow transported this sack boy corpse thing all on her own, Wynonna is doing her version of science, by which I mean poking it with a knife. She gets another ghost feeling this time complete with frosty breath, and almost stabs Waverly, who is just there to bring coffee like Lucado keeps telling her to do, as if she isn’t some secret demon queen. Waverly takes over the science and Wynonna draws monsters, Wynonna mentions that Waverly is “banging a hot redhead”, which she isn’t right now or maybe at all yet, due to their Black Badge related tension, but before they can really get into it a spider the size of my tea kettle before even taking its legs (the spider’s, not the kettle’s) into consideration come spidering out of the sack boy and onto the floor and it is honestly a total nightmare. They cover it with a trash can and Waverly sits on it until they decide to shoot it with Peacemaker, but then it’s not under there anymore but then it comes skittering out and Wynonna shoots it and why does it always have to be spiders, you know?
These labcoats are pretty awesome, maybe this new gig isn’t so bad.
ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS VERY BAD.
Wynonna goes home to wash the spider goo off of herself in the privacy of her own shower but when she gets out, Jeremy is there, and they are mutually startled. Waverly lured Jeremy over with promises of spider autopsies and Doc Holliday, who Jeremy seems to have a pretty fierce crush on.
Doc has his own thing going on this week, which is that Sheriff Nedley has decided that he would be the best owner/proprietor of Shorty’s bar now that Bobo is out of the picture. Doc seems pretty okay with that plan, and does a lot of creeping around to raise the funding to buy it, including breaking into Lucado’s safe and stealing files to blackmail her with. His business has him avoiding Wynonna’s calls and being mostly unavailable to the team, and it causes some tension. But when Waverly calls him, he does show up to help Jeremy with the autopsy, or at least to keep him company while he does all the work himself.
While the boys are dissecting spiders, Waverly and Nicole are upstairs in Willa’s bedroom. Waverly found Willa’s diary and is reading it to Nicole, specifically about how Willa didn’t think she was an Earp, and also how Bobo agreed with that assessment. Nicole puts aside the resentment she’s been hauling around when she sees how this stuff is affecting Waverly, and they have a real kiss for half a second before Wynonna interrupts them and Nicole leaves the entire house like she seems to always do whenever another character enters a room with her and Waverly. Waverly thinks she’s still mad but she actually seems by this point to be sincerely back in girlfriend mode.
It says right here that you are not allowed to be mad at me about blood oaths.
She didn’t buy it, huh?
Wynonna interrupted for a reason though, and the reason is she wants to tell Waverly about Ghost Willa and her Ghost Perfume (though in kind of a throwaway line they mention that it’s actually their mother’s perfume, but Willa loved it.) Because things in this town are all wacky and supernatural, Waverly doesn’t really bat an eyelash at the idea of a haunting, and suggests they just burn all of Willa’s stuff to get rid of her once and for all. So they burn stuff and drink whiskey and act like Earps, right down to Wynonna seeking out Doc in the barn to try to convince them both that she’s in love with him and then to pick a fight with him when he doesn’t take the bait.
Jeremy finishes up his autopsy and of course finds a clue that tells him that there are way more spiders where this one came from, which is a thing anybody who is afraid of spiders could have told you without even needing any evidence. Right on cue, Mercedes from the beginning of the episode calls Wynonna from the school where she was for some reason doing a night time solo inspection to tell her in a screaming kind of way that she is surrounded by spiders and requires immediate assistance.
Wynonna and Waverly come to the rescue and smash some more spiders before Waverly lures Mercedes outside to safety with promises of Peach Schnapps and checkers, while Wynonna once again runs into Stupid Earl and follows him to what he says is a chapel. He claims to be innocent but also goes demon-eyes and says a thing about “protecting it” that Wynonna doesn’t seem to think is as ominous as I do. He tries to fight her but Wynonna knocks him out and again almost attacks Waverly as she comes around the corner. Somebody needs to put a bell on that girl before she gets herself slain. They find a room full of eggs and they smash them and get obscenely gooey, which Mercedes seems a little into when they come strutting out of the school looking like some bonafide sticky heroes. Before they go, Wynonna feels another ghost chill and we see two ghostly figures with only a blurry half-idea where there faces ought to be staring at her from the dark.
Again, we find ourselves in NOPE.
Back at Black Badge it is once again shower o’clock. Wynonna is done and it’s Waverly’s turn and Jeremy looks Wynonna straight in the eye and asks her “Did you smashing those demon eggs make you wet?” What he means is, these particular spiders usually hatch in water, so it’s weird that they found them in a dry school. And Wynonna realizes it’s also weird for Stupid Earl to just be hanging around, and when you add that up plus the ghosts, it seems like probably there is something more serious even than demon spiders afoot. She and Waverly go back to the school to find the remains of Stupid Earl kneeling in the middle of what looks to my untrained eye to be a ritual sacrifice, and they feel a little bad about it but they still don’t have any idea who the culprit it. I’m curious, since Earl was killed by something other than Wynonna and Peacemaker, will he come back? Does this mess with Wynonna’s curse-breaking in any kind of way? I remain a bit fuzzy about the mechanics of this curse despite my best efforts.
At the homestead, Nicole finds Waverly redecorating Willa’s room. She’s brought applications and forms for pulling every file in existence about Waverly Earp, either to reassure her that she really is an Earp or to help her figure out who else she might be. It’s a peace offering, and I think it’s a good one, because it puts Nicole squarely on Waverly’s side and it acknowledges that even if Nicole isn’t Black Badge, she’ll help in whatever ways she can. Waverly agrees with me. She kisses Nicole, and it’s a good kiss, and there is good eye contact and there are good hands doing things like unbuttoning buttons and unbuckling belts. And Nicole stops them for one second like it’s the most impossible thing she’s ever done and like she’s not entirely sure how to breathe right now or ever again, but she finds one breath and uses it to ask for permission, and Waverly gives her just that. And Waverly says “I like you.” And Nicole says “I like you too” with the kind of smile and the kind eyes everybody wants to see in a moment like that and maybe in every moment ever, and she picks Waverly up and man oh man it is romantic and it also hot as heck.
And then they bang.
Wynonna for once in her life is not there to interrupt, because she is over at Shorty’s apologizing to Doc for being the way she gets sometimes. He doesn’t hold it against her. He likes the way she gets and the way she is, but he wants her to keep her guard up about Black Badge no matter how harmless Jeremy seems or how much she wants Lucado to turn out to be a secret softy like Dolls was. He sends her off so he can do “inventory”, which is actually some kind of something he’s brewing up with a demon girl in the basement, possibly literally. She says something about exploding Shorty’s but I’m not sure if that is a risk of their plan or the actual goal, but I suspect they might be trying to make Lizard Fuel for Dolls.
Finally, Wynonna comes home. She finds Waverly in the kitchen sneaking looks at Willa’s journal. That and a teddy bear are all that’s left of Willa. Wynonna is like, “Let’s do that thing where we hang out together on the porch and say things like “I was born ready” and “Once an Earp, Always an Earp” but Waverly sends her out alone saying she needs to get back to the hot redhead she is now indeed banging.
And then she takes a big ol bite of a big ol dead spider.