Previously on Wynonna Earp, everything was demons. Wynonna got a destiny and a gun and had to shoot her own evil sister. Dolls disobeyed his shady government agency Boss Lady to help his friends, and got himself locked up in the process. Waverly got the girl and touched some black goo and might be evil now. Doc always had a moustache but recently also acquired a conscience. And Nicole Haught, bless her soul, wore a bulletproof vest.
Last season ended with a demon-eyed Waverly turning a gun on her friends, but apparently she was actually pointing that gun at a monster in a potato sack with a mouth like a cookie cutter shark who was sneaking up on them and is presently chasing them through the woods. In the ensuing fight, which is mostly just Waverly and Doc falling down a lot, we see our first casualty of the season. RIP Doc’s Hat. Before the Potato Monster can do any more damage, though, Wynonna shows up on the scene with a hair flip and a “I’m Wynonna. Wynonna Earp.” Oh. And Peacemaker. The plan of the day, and indeed it is the same day as all that Willa stuff that feels like so long ago, is to somehow leverage this Potato Head into a way to rescue Dolls.
This monster is giving me hardcore Buffy Special Effects nostalgia. Also, that was a good hat.
Dolls, meanwhile, is using his one free favor that you apparently get when you go rogue against a top secret paranormal military organization to get the government to call off the missile strike that was ordered in the season finale. Which, like, I’m glad that’s not happening, but also that’s a pretty cheap piece of writing. Doll’s boss, Agent Lucado, agrees with me, a fact she expresses by cattle prodding him in the belly and having him locked in a cage.
Wynonna struts into the Sheriff’s office to find it full of Black Badge cleaners getting rid of every last trace of Dolls, and she’s like “What about his important stuff?” and Sheriff Nedley is like “Well, I am drinking from his coffee mug right now. But as for the other important stuff, probably he has a home you could check?”
Wynonna checks every motel in town, and I’m not she she ever finds Dolls’ room, but she does find an underwear lady with some sick fighting moves and just top-of-the-line sass, and that lady is played by Rachel Skarsten, and I somehow missed her name in the opening credits so I scared my cat away when I yelled “TAMSIN???” at my television. Like. I was never the most devoted Lost Girl fan but I am VERY devoted to Tamsin. And to her face. Which is the same face as this character has, but this character’s name is Eliza. But she is still grumpy and rude and wonderful and I love her.
Anyway. They have a good rolling around, guns and quips and what-have-you style brawl, and then Eliza hits Wynonna over the head with a lamp and they decide to be tentatively friends. Eliza knows Dolls. Definitely they have worked together and maybe they have banged together, and she is very eager to help out with whatever plan Wynonna is brewing. She also has “Dolls’ Files” but I don’t know if they ever explain what is in those files or if they even bother to look at them.
There’s a cute scene here where Waverly and Nicole smooch and are happy and Doc comes in to get some tea and is not rude and then he and Waverly have a little chat and it’s just a really nice little scene about how much chemistry all of these actors have with each other.
Like have you considered being on a sitcom instead? Less danger? More cute laughing?
Eventually Wynonna and Eliza head back to the homestead where Doc flirts with Eliza and Waverly flirts with Officer Haught, who is like “No, baby, I am AGENT Haught now,” and nobody has the heart to tell her that Officer Haught just sounds way cuter. The plan is… vague. Wynonna and Doc and Eliza go to Dolls’ safe to find that his lizard drugs are all gone, but Doc has like half a vial left. Eliza is relieved. Wynonna never knew any of this lizard business in the first place and is thusly confused.
Part two of the plan is Waverly and Nicole, who are in the barn being cute and digging the Potato Demon’s head out from under a pile of guns until Waverly goes all dark again and seems like she is going to chop Nicole with an ax but then I guess just chops the ax into a stump? Nicole is just like “LOL, you and your axes. And I guess you are in charge of a demon’s head again, huh?” There is some tension here where Nicole seems to be super into the idea of being a secret agent and part of the team and Waverly sort of flirts her off and it is clearly going to become A Thing. But for now, Waverly needs Nicole’s help playing dress up and Nicole can’t possibly say no to that.
I am hear to chop wood and flirt with cute police officers, and I am not really strong enough to chop wood tbh.
The last part of the plan is I guess Wynonna and Doc bathing in dead possum stench and dressing like Black Badge cleaners to sneak into the place Dolls is being held. Black Badge seems pretty bad at many things, like, for instance, security, and I think they could have gotten in just with the outfits, but I like the idea of Wynonna being like “Naw man, it won’t work unless we are STINKY AS HELL.” Well, they are very stinky, and their plan does work. They get into the facility and then Eliza just drops out of the ceiling easy as pie and probably smelling just as nice. Also this entire time Eliza has been wearing a shirt, which in many places is not a shirt at all. She’s just so cool you guys. They navigate the building using Eliza’s clearance and keep thinking she has betrayed them, but she has not, not ever and not at all. It’s like the one time anybody on this show besides Waverly thinks to be suspicious of anybody, so obviously they are wrong.
Her shirt though what is it.
On the Wayhaught side of the plan, Nicole is in charge of the getaway car and Waverly is in charge of walking into Black Badge through the front door with glasses and a British accent and luggage full of demon head. I am maybe biased in that I cannot ever have enough of cute girls doing subterfuge in disguises, but in my opinion this entire plot is very good. She is pretending to be from Scotland Yard, and she gets into a lab and tries to flirt with the lab tech whose name is Jeremy and who is apparently sticking around this season. She is flirting because Team Wynonna have gotten themselves locked in a stairwell and maybe this boy can help get the doors unstuck. Once Waverly gets Jeremy to tell her how to unlock the doors, she hits him over the head with something that sounds heavy. But she forgot that she is very tiny, so mostly he’s just like “Ouch!” and also “Head wounds are kind of against the rules. This lab is full of demons and now they smell my blood.” Specifically it is yet another Potato Monster, which leads me to believe this is maybe like that time The Initiative released demons specifically to test Buffy’s skills or whatever. They hide and Waverly just decides to tell him the actual truth of “I am trying to help Wyatt Earp’s Heir and Doc Holliday to free Agent Dolls” and Jeremy for no good reason agrees to help her. Good dude, but not too bright.
She is disguised as a human who owns normal clothes. Precious!
Jeremy and Waverly unlock the stairwell that everybody else was stuck in, and Wynonna and Eliza have that conversation that people in this situation always have where they argue about who has to go rescue Dolls even though it’s dangerous and even though they might have to kill him if he’s gone too lizardy, but then Doc does that thing the person not arguing always does, which is to save everybody else the trouble and do it himself. He tells Wynonna and Eliza to go rescue Waverly while he handles Dolls.
Doc finds Dolls, and Boss Lady Lucado, in the cage basement, and she insults his moustache so he threatens to blow her up with all of the dynamite he snuck in under his coat. Lucado doesn’t really fuck with explosives, so she apologizes to Doc’s moustache but then Dolls chokes her out from inside his cage and Doc frees him and I love their dynamic so much. Dolls pours the last of the lizard medicine into his own eyeball and whispers a secret into Doc’s own ear and escapes, leaving Doc to get captured.
Wynonna and Eliza fight off some Black Badge thugs incredibly easily and with very good banter on their way to Waverly. But Waverly has decided she is done hiding and approaches The Potato and goes black eyes and the thing is now very afraid of her, and with the way she’s smiling I am maybe afraid of her as well. Wynonna and Eliza bust in and Waverly goes back to normal, and Wynonna pulls Peacemaker out of the original Potato Head which Waverly had used to smuggle it in and pops the monster right between the unidentifiable parts of its face, and everybody including Jeremy heads to their escape route.
I just love them so much. Even Jeremy maybe.
Unfortunately, they are stopped by Lucado and her gun and her thugs. They throw a beat-up Doc on the ground and do some power talk that really doesn’t speak well for the Black Badge. Like I honestly don’t think these people have any idea what their mission is even supposed to be, just that they are very tough and very correct about whatever it is. Lucado wants to shoot Wynonna but then Art from Orphan Black makes a dramatic entrance and is rude to absolutely everybody. He takes Lucado’s gun and is like “Obviously we can’t murder the person this show is named after, but I can murder anybody else I want” and he shoots Eliza in the head and secures himself a place as my enemy forever. Everybody is in shock enough to sign contracts with the Black Badge in their own blood before zombie walking out of the building feeling very bad about a lot of things.
Nicole was sitting the the getaway car the entire time but after she didn’t hear from them she left, which is a relief to Waverly but also Nicole again seems to feel like she was left out of the action.
This is just a picture of Wynonna looking tough and hot.
Wrapping things up around the homestead: Nicole is jealous, I guess, that she didn’t get to sign the Black Badge Blood Pact, and gives Waverly the cold shoulder. Wynonna tries to get Doc to come in for a quickie, but he politely ignores the invitation and she goes to Willa’s room and finally cries about every shitty thing that has happened to her in the past couple days. She sees a flashing light out the window and hikes out to find a key hanging from a branch and a smiling, crying Agent Xavier Dolls waving goodbye from atop the ridge. He better not be gone for good I swear. Doc will miss him too much. And Wynonna finds Waverly on the porch with a steaming cup of coffee, and they are sisters and they are fighters and even if one of them is secretly a demon now they are ready to face the next thing, which might be whatever spangly-gloved monster reached out of a box in the Black Badge Basement and set off Doc’s dynamite.