(I have the greatest respect for parents like I have the greatest respect for astronauts because to me it seems terrifying and I cannot relate to wanting to do it at all.)
Partner 1: *Gestures vaguely* You know, this is great and everything, but what would make it better is–
Partner 2: If someone were to vomit on it?
Partner 1: If someone were to vomit on it.
Partner 1: I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS NO ONE SCREAMS AT ME ENOUGH.
Partner 1: If we don’t do it, there will be no one to condescend to us in our own age.
Partner 2: Yes, I don’t want to miss out on someone exasperatedly snatching the iPhone 57 out of my hands when I can’t figure out how to set the clock on it.
Partner 1: I just want someone to be really devastated when I go, you know?
Partner 2: Oh yes. I’d hate to grow old and die without an audience.
Partner 1: Well, the jig is up. We’ve been banned from Chuck E Cheese.
Partner 2: This may be my only chance to do something better than Gwyneth Paltrow.
*A break in the conversation lasting longer than fifteen seconds.*
Partner 1: THIS IS TERRIFYING I NEVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE THIS AGAIN FOR EIGHTEEN YEARS.
Partner 2: AT MINIMUM. BEST CASE SCENARIO IT’S A FUCKUP AND NEVER LEAVES.
Partner 1: Ugh we have too much money it’s disgusting.
Partner 1: Oh my god I saw the cutest video of a lion cub. We have to get one.
Partner 2: A lion cub? Aren’t they dangerous?
Partner 1: No, in the video it was sleeping.
Partner 2: You want to get a lion cub on the basis of a video in which it was sleeping?
Partner 1: As I understand it, they sleep quite a lot.
Partner 2: Well in that case.
Partner 1: Plus there are accessories. I saw a set of lion cub shoes in a store and was just destroyed by them. They were patent leather, for if it was like a fancy little gentleman lion cub.
Partner 2: Well, lion cubs are illegal.